A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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