so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
