if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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