just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
