I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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