Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
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