I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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