You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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