Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
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