I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
