mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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