My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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