If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
