Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
