Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
