went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
