just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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