Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
