Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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