Can i not drive my cunt home
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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