I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
