omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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