i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
