Do you still have your period?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
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Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
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Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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