I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
