I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize