dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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