mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
