im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
