the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
