Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Just high enough for therapy.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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