Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
