You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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