You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
