RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
