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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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