Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
