so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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