someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
