my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
