non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
