I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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