hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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