You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
