areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
