imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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