he wants to bone in the snuggie
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
