dude i'm inner monologue high
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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