she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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