I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
You just made me feel so damn special
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
