i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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