My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
