I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
