I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
