Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
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