i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
