That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
