its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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