i may or may not be watching the land before time
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
