I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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