Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
