there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
