The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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