im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
