i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
