Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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