you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
