Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
