No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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