It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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