Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
COCAINE IS GR8
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
