I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
