new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
