Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
