I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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